Beloved

March 30, 08

First,
There was silver,
Liquid dancing between my finger tips,
Forming and connecting into a tiny hook,
Hardened to drip down a tail for me to brush.
I shrank it, and placed it away.

Second,
There was colour,
Staining the page as it engulfed and spread,
The edges a dark purple brushing and fading,
To create such mesmerizing sensuality,
I paused to stare.

Third,
I made her face,
Carved it to turn inviting me inwards toward her,
Breathed life into those eyes which stared a fire-
A singular cold fire outlined in the coal perished.
I fell into her.

~And I said she was Beautiful.~

Vulgar

May 28, 08

Wave by wave,
Scarred by the weed of the sea,
Imperfect in every line that's deepening,
Tear by tear,
Scarred by the dirt on the cheeks,
Tainted by every drop that falls unevenly.


Spoken not harshly,
But still made the whisper scream,
Within pained voices hope.

Dream by dream,
Shattered by the stares of enmity,
Broken by the leers full of too much pity,
Sob by sob,
Quietened by echoes of "you were lucky",
And finished off with death filled dreamless sleeps.


'Vulgar' rearranged,
By the vocabulary,
Of young raped girls lips

Soul

May 26, 08
Arachnid’s web hung
Lace over cradle like
Over mountain tops

Leaves are crisping
Smoking before
Before scaling down

Birds of all colours
Spread hate as
They choke and sing

She fell stone like
As the pit between
Her two mounds
Held more fire
Than the smoulder
On her charred skin
Singularity made
Her rough on edges
But could never hide
Porcelain insides

More to Say

May 21, 08


Syringed at the crest of burdened wings
Illiterately she sang memorized prayers
Forgave the sins of cold feet on sand
Too hot sand by two twin heat spun suns
Love and hate burn too brightly for eyes

Don't fill the holes with wounded blood
You cannot filter the dirt mixed within
White faces of shame scarred by howls
Deep lines stretched singular from lips
As she whimpered as he screamed

Spinning tales as much as she weaves
Blankets and clothes for her children dolls
Slipping on the blood of her fore-mother
But not quite caring...But not quite caring
And she'll never stop not quite caring.

Mercy and Woe

May 18, 08
Chalked red spotted burns,
A leprosy contagious sin,
Cigarette burn hardens skin,
And candles down throats,
Choke.
Enticing open scarred necks.

Mercy abolished by the voice,
Slaver twisted in his love tales,
Heart beat against heart beat,
Unevenly pressed against chests,
Delicately,
Slivered by raking nails against back.

He didn’t penetrate, he made love,
She didn’t scream, but moaned,
She was beautiful in anything,
Cloaked in her purple risen shell,
Bruised,
Like too much make-up around eyes.

Still Seeing

Truth of No Truth

Jan. 9, 08

Flooded and drowning in thoughts
Rights and Wrongs, Deeds and Lies
Shivering and shaking with dread
Guilt and Horror, Deeds and Lies

I can sit still, staring straight ahead
My eyes blank along with my face
And inside my mind I’ll be dying
My emotions within barely contained

I’ll sit here, my lips so dry and cold
Moving in sequence like a mystic dance
Speaking stories you will never know
The truths of deeds, how I made the lies


I didn’t! I didn’t! Its truth is what I say!
She did it! She did it! Oh believe, pray!
The cries, my screams, agony can’t be faked?
What makes you second guess my tears?

I would never harm such sweet innocence
I shall never commit sin of ghastly murder
I didn’t! I didn’t! But I know who did!
It was I.

Flooded and drowning in thoughts
Rights and Wrongs, Deeds and Lies
Shivering and shaking with dread
Guilt and Horror, Deeds and Lies

‘Twas her, ‘twas her- one more whisper
She is I but I am not her, please, please!
Do not leave me alone with such vile
I shall die with her skin within me

And with the guilt and dirty conscious
I fall back to the bed uncomfortably
The chains on my legs are cold and heavy
To protect myself, I fall into blackness

Unconscious Deed of Lies

Safety

Jan 26, 08

I’m falling
Higher- Higher
Again

You keep
Desire- Desire
Again

Unworthy, of your love again
Untrusting, unsure of again
Unbelieving, I’m dying again

Touching me
No safety-No safety
Again

Holding me
Against me- Against me
Again.

Thrashing, fighting again
Hurting, the pain again
Dying, again and again

Stopping you
Destroying- Destroying!
Again

Begging you
Destroying- Destroying!
Again

My abuse story.

-
And there is no rhyme and pattern in pain
And there is no meaning in emptiness
Hollowed out
Gutted out

What proof can I offer?
I’m too scared.
Too scared! Can only re live myself

Destroying, and destroyed.

My abuse story.

Abortion

Feb. 11, 08

Broken into fragments
Each edge sharpened
Beautiful-
Colic.

Devoid of my vision
One colour, you say
Beautiful-
Blind.

And reality failed me now
I’m too numb to tell truth
Happiness failed me now
I’m too numb to ever feel
Your lies failed me now
I’m too numb to believe

Rubbing my abdomen
Taken, stolen, Given
Beautiful-
Hollow.

Kaleidoscope games
Lost, loosing, lose, lost
Beautiful-
Pain.

For what hurts too much
I blink away tears. Blink.
For dreams not happening
I blink away shame. Blink.
For now, I have no memories
I blink away reasons. Blink.

What lies took my baby away
Blink.

Bid me Farewell, Biding time

Feb. 25, 08

If
I keep my back towards you
Will you memorize that curve?
You so gently place your hands

If
I keep my head turned away
Will you memorize that curve?
That neck you say is enticing

If
I tell you that it is the best
Will you memorize that curve?
That hesitation in my voice

If
I bite those lips in shame.
I always end up turning away.
I walk out on you again today

-If
I do these things
Will you still love me?
I swear to you; it is for you.

I don't look back
Hope you are always looking
Forward-
With love the hesitation
Burdening my conscious voice
My lungs.
Can you see me in fog
My hurt and opaque reasons
My heart.

Connectivity

Feb. 26, 08

There were doors.

Doors and walls between us.

Now, I wonder why,
Why couldn’t that door,
So solid,
Be a swinging door?

There were walls.

Doors and walls between us.

Now, I wonder why,
Why couldn’t that wall,
So solid,
Have wide windows?

Celtic

May 14, 08

Adorned by memoir secrets we wrote,
Upon our backs by sadist cutting,
By our favourite place and favourite shell,
Which we snapped in two after a wish,

I wrote:
Frothy reef fingertips stretched from sea,
Just touching that storm behind blue eyes.

You praised and sang to me lullabies,
Just whiffs of your evening sigh as you
Slowly hollowed; staring into the marine
Mouthing the daily prayer set by mother

The sun enchanted me hither by blindness,
Following her path to meet her bleeding sunset,
The moon is for you to name sweet things to,
As you once did me, whisper them to the sea

And I’ll hear:
When you sit and cry to the captor of my soul
Still loving the charm reef knowing it holds me

Rag Doll

May 12, 08

Petal eyes, Plucked with your love,
Or hate,
Patch worked with memoirs of slaves,
Cross-stitched 'happiness' on my,
Virgin womb.
Steal my petal eyes, I'll cry ravels
Of string,
That will depict tales of lies when stroked.

Like a voodoo doll, I am your vent,
And weapon,
Yet always seemingly the victim.
Paradox ephemeral eternity sounds,
Pretty,
Enough for me to write it on my arm,
To remember,
That I loved how much you ripped me.

There was once a shyness, around edges,
You said,
But there was a boldness in my eyes
Now covered with funeral lace like coffee mats,
Funny,
That I believed my story began at night,
Cryptic,
Yet I felt the something of mine blooming.

*
Charmed by the smell of lies,
I came,
And came,
Just as you asked.
You stole,
And stole,
Just as you wanted.

Ma'Lady

May 6, 08
Whispers of coloured cloth near
Dancing feet, begging to touch her
Even the blades of grass, bend
A step before, each step she takes

She cautions warnings in melodies
Extracting words from only the air
Saying no need for the depth of songs
As long as there is a lover at the end

What guile is found behind dubious eyes?
And what delusions found in illusive mine?

Her Gentleman

May 5, 08

Teasing...Like a cloud just glimpsing the sun

Half enraptured by trance light
Pocketing through the canvas
A coquette whispering ill sins
To her lover ears, I wait yonder
Waiting for the answer in winds

Frisky yet mournful as it blows
Shadowing the grape vines
Even as it plays with what it reaps
And sows again as they fall victim
To the ever mischievous wind

Formed by broken trinkets
Her bosom full figure as I remember
Mercy decides to give me memory
Of how I let nature eat her body
So I, the murder, see the silhouette

Formed by my brisk fanatical eyes
Haunting, to what not believed
So I don't believe, don't hinder me
Scarce forms of the dead and buried
Even if she not want'd to be buried.

Teasing...Like a cloud just glimpsing the sun

Encrusted

May 3, 08
Seed,
Of thought,
Planted in over growth.
Fell,
From nowhere,
But still decided to grow.

Searching,
In the depths,
Of the darkness in ground.
Tendrils,
Of the minds eye,
Looking, discovering, and find.

Breaking,
Through the storm,
Through the black to light.
Hasten,
To what wants,
Ignoring the thwarts and throw.

Footsteps,
Scissors and knives,
Forcing thought down and behind.
Justice,
To just thoughts,
The flower just wanted to know.

-
Is a little freedom to be desired?